The Wheel of Consent

Who is doing and Who is it for ? The Wheel of Consent is a framework to separate doing from giving and show deeper levels of receiving. It shows clearly who is doing the action and who it is for. Betty Martin developed this structure 10 years ago by analyzing the 3 minute game, which consists of two questions: “How do you want me to touch you for 3 minutes?” and “How do you want to touch me for 3 minutes?” In these two questions are 4 different dynamics which create the 4 quadrants of the wheel — serving/accepting & allowing/taking. It is these two questions and the response that create the circle of consent, or the agreement. The response to the first question, Will you…? And the response to the second question, May I…? If there is no agreement or consent, the quadrants are not existing and engagements are happening in the shadows, which include stealing, rape, pleasing, entitlement, victim etc

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